


Adora

by Geckinator3000



Series: Somewhere In the Middle: She-Ra Character studies [2]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Adora freaks out, Adora has an existential crisis, Adora is a horse girl, Gen, Jock Adora (She-Ra), Swiftwind is supportive, While Catra is away, Who the hell even knows what they're doing with their life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:42:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26372881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geckinator3000/pseuds/Geckinator3000
Summary: Who is she when she's not being She-Ra?Adora certainly doesn't know.Or has she always known, somehow?Mmm yes existential crisis time!!!!
Relationships: Adora & Swift Wind | Spirit, Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Series: Somewhere In the Middle: She-Ra Character studies [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1907107
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	1. I Asked for Free Will and Now I Don't Like It

“Bored bored bored  
borrrrreeeeedddd  
Bored bored....” She-Ra sang tunelessly to herself as she hung upside-down from a tree, tossing her sword from one hand to the other.  
She checked the time: 10:13 am. Still not time for lunch.  
She dropped down onto the ground and passed the next two hours with 100 press-ups, then 200 situps, fifteen minutes of stretching, twenty minutes of staring at the sky, then ten laps around Brightmoon.   
Again, she checked the time. 10:43 am.

“Uuuuuugh, what do you mean it’s only BEEN HALF AN HOUR?” she grumbled, glaring suspiciously at the little device on her wrist. 

Entrapta had given it to her the week before, as a gift.  
“I call it a “watch” because you’re always “watching” the sun to see what time of day it is! Now you can check the time when you can’t see the sun! Look, it’s solar-powered too!”  
“Oooh, solar power? So, the sun tells it what time it is, and the watch tells it to me? Very impressive!” said Adora, fascinated.

Entrapta froze for a moment, decided it wasn’t worth trying to explain the technicalities of solar panels and electricity, and nodded slowly.  
“Uhhhh...yeah....something like that! Anyway! I gotta go now. Hope you like it!”   
“Oh, I do! So much! Thank you for giving me this watch that talks to the sun!”

“Stupid watch!” Adora grumbled, de-transforming and flopping down onto the grass. “Stupid sun! Why are you not moving across the sky! Why are you telling my watch it’s not time for lunch yet!”

She had no plans for the rest of the day, or the next day, or the days after that. Catra was on a journey of self-discovery, which was fantastic! but she wouldn’t be back for two weeks. Bow and Glimmer had just gotten married and were on honeymoon. Nothing was happening in the other kingdoms, at least nothing that required a superhero or even someone who could lift really heavy things. 

Why did those clones- wait, they were called Fulbrights now- have to be so efficient at rebuilding? It had only been two years since the war, and already New Salineas was mostly completed. She’d helped Mermista finish levelling the site after she’d cleared most of the rubble away with a colossal tidal wave, and then she’d had steady months of building, and tracking down clones, and looking after Catra, and surveying and planning and discussing, as well as chasing down the odd monster.

Now, for the first time in her whole life, she had nothing to do.  
She hated it.   
Sure, there was always somebody around with some minor crisis (and sometimes a major one) that her powers could solve, but Adora was starting to feel like perhaps there was something else to life. Catra had told her what seemed like a hundred thousand times that she couldn’t solve everyone’s problems, that she had to have a life of her own, and develop something she called “personal boundaries.”

She heard hoofbeats behind her, and Swiftwind plodded into the clearing, munching thoughtfully on an apple.   
“Hey Swifty, what’s a boundary?”  
“Hmmhh... I think...itsh a kinda....fenshe?”  
“So Catra means that I need to build a personal fence? Like my own fence? But I already spent three months building picket fences out of sea-shells and driftwood in the Salinean suburbs! I don’t need a fence!”  
“Maybe she washh-” he swallowed the last of the apple and smacked his lips in satisfaction before continuing” -meaning it in a metaphorical way like a...uh...some kind of protective thing?”

Adora’s eyes widened with understanding. “Oh, it’s like a bubble!”   
“A bubble?”  
“Yeah, a bubble!”   
Swiftwind still looked confused.

“Not a real one, a metaphorical one that separates my life from other people’s problems. I need a better bubble around myself and I need to stop letting other people’s bubbles into mine without my permission!”  
“Huh, like I have a boundary around how many people can sit on me at once while I’m flying. And who else is allowed to eat my apples. And how many apples I’m allowed to eat, or else I get a sore stomach!”  
“Yeah!”  
“Great! But WHY? What is even IN my personal bubble? AND WHO AM I IF I’M NOT HELPING EVERYONE!”

Swiftwind sat down on his haunches with a thump. “You are Adora.” he said, simply.  
“Well, who IS Adora?” asked Adora, waving her arms in frustration.  
“Hmm, I think that one’s up to you. Was there ever anything you wanted to be when you were a kid?”  
“I wanted to be a Force Captain in the Horde, and the best fighter Etheria had ever seen, and we both know how that panned out.”  
“Well, actually, you technically did achieve both of those goals. When I was a foal, all I wanted to do was prance around in the sun and eat apples. I never though I’d have wings and a magical bond with She-Ra. Life turned out better than I thought it would. I guess it’s easier for me because I still have a mission: the liberation of horses!”

“Yeah, that’s exactly it! All my life, everything has been WAR and PLANNING--” she was on her feet now, pacing and gesturing as she talked “--and TRAINING. Every day there was a plan. Every moment counted for something. Every mission was critical. And then I became She-Ra, and I was literally fighting for the fate of Etheria. Everyone needed me, and regardless of whether I wanted to be She-Ra or not, I had no choice....and honestly, that sucked. But it also kind of helped. I was so busy learning how to be the She-Ra everyone needed me to be that I didn’t have to think about the Adora I wanted to be outside of the horde and all that.”   
She flopped down again and sighed heavily. “And now, I have so much time to think, and I just don’t know what to do with myself. I wanted freedom, and now that I have it, I hate it.” She stared morosely into the perfectly blue sky with its perfectly fluffy clouds. “It’s such a beautiful day, and I feel like I’m wasting it. What if I feel like this for the rest of my life, Swifty?”

“Maybe you don’t have to know what you’re doing all the time, ya know?” Swiftwind rolled onto his side, bumped his soft, whiskery nose against hers, and huffed warm, appley breath into her face.   
“Hey, that tickles!” Adora giggled as he snuffled at her nose, trying to make her laugh.  
“Well, what are you gonna do about it?” he said, leaping to his feet.  
“I’m gonna tickle you back!” she yelled.  
“You’ll have to catch me first!” he yelled back, already cantering away with his wings half-spread.  
“Hey, no fair, I can’t fly!”  
“Well, then improvise!”

Five minutes later Swiftwind was pinned to the ground with a lasso tangled around his legs and She-Ra sitting on his back, both of them laughing so hard they were crying.  
“Better?” said Swiftwind, rolling back onto his feet again and shook himself off after Adora disentangled him.   
“Yeah, actually. Maybe you’re right. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, and maybe that’s okay, for now. I’ll figure it out.” 

“Great! Guess what time it is?”  
“Wha – ooh is it LUNCHTIME?” Adora’s face lit up with excitement.  
“Yoooooooooou guessed it! Come on, Hermann’s made pumpkin soup and fresh bread, and there’s even apple cinnamon tart for dessert!”  
No further enticement was needed. Adora climbed onto Swiftwind's back, and they took off, headed straight for the open dining room window.


	2. Five Percent Kinder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora comes to realise more about who she wants to be.

Angella sipped her soup daintily and tried very hard not to look too closely at Adora licking the last of hers straight out of the bowl. She'd learned to use a spoon in quite a genteel fashion, over time, but when it came to getting the last morsels, she wasn't afraid to get her hands (and her face) dirty.

Swiftwind had already started on the apple cinnamon tart. He took surprisingly small bites, for a horse, and did his best to chew quietly but he still scattered bits of apple liberally around him.

Still, Angella reflected, there were far more important things to be concerned about than messy eaters. These two were certainly worth looking the other way for, sometimes, even if she had to admit she wouldn't have accepted the same behavior from her other daughter, Glimmer. But Glimmer had a different destiny: she was born to be the queen of Brightmoon, someday, and Adora was, well, She-Ra. 

Angella had been only a little surprised by how quickly she'd come to accept Adora as her daughter. She was fiercely proud of her, and protective, as mothers often are, but she couldn't help but admit there was something Other about Adora that made her a little uneasy about the urge to protect or instruct her. In one sense, Adora was very much a friendly young woman. In another, she was something very close to an alien goddess; a being of such tremendous power and influence that she could move entire planets and humble the likes of Horde Prime, the scourge of galaxies. 

Yet here she was, seated at Angella and Micah's table, finishing the last of her lunch with the enthusiasm of a child who wanted to go out to play. 

Setting down her bowl and spoon with a clatter, and licking the last micro-traces of soup from around her mouth, Adora grinned. 

"Hermann, that was amazing. How do you manage to make food this good, three times a day, every day?"

The former horde clone, now turned chef, smiled and dipped his antlered head in gratitude, the many culinary utensils hung from the prongs jangling like windchimes as he moved. "Cooking is my greatest passion, dear sister. It is a glorious way to share happiness and excellent nutrition. May I suggest you try the apple cinnamon tart? I prepared two, in anticipation of the fact that our beloved Swiftwind," and here the alicorn in question swallowed the last of his entire tart a little guiltily "has a great fondness for apples." 

Hermann extended his long tail towards Adora, the second tart deftly balanced on the fins on the end. Angella and Micah had already cut themselves two royally perfect slices, so Adora wasted no time in getting stuck in. Crumbs sprayed everywhere, but at least, Angella mused, she was using the proper cutlery and pausing to wipe her mouth now and then. 

"How is your uh...holiday going?" Micah asked Adora, leaning back in his chair and patting his full stomach contentedly.

"Oh it's um..." she swallowed, and brushed some crumbs off her face, "it's actually....it's great?" Swiftwind snorted, and rolled his eyes.

Micah raised an eyebrow, quizzically. "You don't sound too enthusiastic about it?" 

Adora sighed, her shoulders slumping. "Alright, fine, I hate it. I have no idea what to do with myself and I'm honestly struggling a bit."

"Ah, I thought that might be the case, but I'm still sorry to hear it." Micah chuckled gently. 

"It's just..." Adora frowned, searching for words, "Surely, there are things that need doing. Somebody ALWAYS needs help. There's always something going on, somewhere, and I'd hate to think that I wasn't there when I could have done something."

Leaning towards her, Angella placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Adora, I know you always want to be doing things for others, but you have to ask yourself sometimes: is it always your responsibility?"

"My head tells me the answer you want is "No" but my heart says, "You have the power and the ability, and if you don't step up then who will?" Adora replied, slumping back with her arms folded.

"Perhaps it's necessary for others to have to step up, so they can learn and grow?" suggested Micah.

"That was certainly true in Catra's case. If I'd given her a little more room to excel and prove herself in some cases, maybe she'd have felt less...under my shadow. But then again, at the same time, I should have been more focused on protecting her where she actually needed me most: keeping Shadow Weaver off her back. That bi-"

"Adora, we do not use that kind of language at this table!"

"Sorry."

"In Brightmoon," grinned Angella, mischievously, "when we insult someone like Shadow Weaver, we insult them properly. That deceitful, venomous, spineless, self-important, psychopathic, cowardly, cruel, selfish, half baked excuse for a woman was indeed very harsh towards Catra. You were saying?"

Adora laughed before her face fell again. "I was saying, Shadow Weaver hurt my best friend repeatedly and deliberately, and I wasn't always there for her in the way she needed me to be."

"You were only a child," said Micah, quietly. 

"I was, but still...I regret that as I got stronger and smarter, I still craved Shadow Weaver's attention and validation so badly, and then when I left the Horde, I left Catra behind to face the consequences I should have. I just feel like," she sat up, and waved her hands in frustration, "like instead of sitting around, I should be learning how to use my power in the most effective way. What if there was a way I could help Etheria without draining myself? What if there's something only I can give?"

"Adora, I know you've been conditioned to be constantly striving for something. But you don't have to! You get to choose who you want to be and what you want to do now-"

"I KNOW! Sorry." She dropped her voice a little before continuing, glancing apologetically at the Queen and King. 

"But seriously, I've heard it all! Adora, you need to relax. Adora, you need to calm down. Get a hobby, Adora. Stop trying to help everyone, Adora. You can be whoever you want to be, Adora." She paused and took a deep breath.

"What if this IS who I want to be?"

"You really want to carry on running around and stressing out for the rest of your life? Trying to figure out this She-Ra thing? You'll exhaust yourself! Nobody gives out this much energy!" asked Micah.

"But if I don't, then WHO WILL? I don't want to lower my standards just because everyone else insists on being shitty! I don't want to stop being radically kind, incredibly patient, and astoundingly generous. Sure, I do need some downtime, but the fundamental truth is that life is not, actually, about me and my comfort zone."

She was up on her feet now, fists clenched, teeth gritted and eyes aglow. Swiftwind was watching with interest, and secretly, considerable admiration. He hadn't seen her this fired-up in a while.

"I wish that everyone was just five percent kinder. Five percent more likely to pick up their garbage, fix their disputes with their neighbours, help out their friends, protect someone else, assume the best....you know, whatever. I don't actually want to be considered a hero for just doing what I believe is right. I want that to be a normal thing that everyone does all the time.  
Instead, post-war, I'm realising that people just go back to their weird boring lame shitty habits. Their same arguments and land disputes. Their new grievances and scars. 

I thought that after the war, the kingdoms would stay united. I thought we'd keep reaching out and working on our relationships. But slowly, we're all drifting apart again, back to how things were before the Princess Alliance, and I can't bear to sit around on my ass and watch it happen!" She slammed her fist down on the table to emphasise this last point, and then stopped, adruptly, expecting an angry rebuttal from the staring King and Queen.

Instead, Angella was even smiling a little, and Micah looked considerably amused. They exchanged glances. 

"THAT'S our girl!" they said, in unison. 

Adora gaped. 

"You remind me so much of Glimmer, sometimes, that you could almost be her biological sister." said Angella. "You're so passionate and determined to change the world, whatever it takes. I admire you Adora. You're right. You remind us not to become complacent in times of peace, and neglect the good things we did so eagerly during the war, when we were so keenly aware of how much we needed each other."

Micah nodded. "The path that you're wanting to walk is a hard one, Adora, and a long one too. But if you really are unhappy with the way things are, and you're genuinely not enjoying conventional ways of relaxing, then you have our full support in finding whatever it is that you really want to do."

Adora sank back into her seat, exhausted by her outburst. Swiftwind fanned her flushed face with one of his wings, and she smiled gratefully up at him.

"The thing is, what DO I do about it? I'm back to square one, in a way: I still have no idea what I'm supposed to do!"

Hermann, who had been quietly listening to all this, placed a gentle, callused hand on one of her shoulders. "My dear sister, the only thing I can say to you in this time of your distress, is "What a forking MOOD!"

**Author's Note:**

> This one is gonna be a few chapters long because...because of the way it is.  
> Anyway, Adora needs some time to figure out what she's doing with her life now. You know how it is when you're really busy and then suddenly you're just...not busy anymore, or something major changes or you end up re-evaluating your entire life at 2 am?  
> Yeah.  
> That's the Vibe with this one. 
> 
> And yes, the dining hall window at Brightmoon gets left open at mealtimes because Adora and Swiftwind can't be bothered using doors when they're hungry. They just go NYOOM straight into the castle.


End file.
